Doing more to do less…

Some time ago I wrote about taking time out for me to heal, and also willingly sacrificing my “I’ll do that!” reflex. And whilst in some ways I have been able to achieve these things, in other ways I have not.

My health has still been up and down, and that points to me not striking the right balance. With ME/CFS and Fibromyalgia, obtaining such a balance is easy; keeping it is the hard bit. Triggers change if not daily then weekly, and something that didn’t knock you sideways last week now brushes you over as if you’re a leaf in the wind. I’ve been less mindful of what my body has been telling me of late, and that means naughty Heathwitch — and now, at last, I’m listening. Or, at least, I hope to be.

And so, there’s been a number of changes of late. One is that, no matter how important my dreams are, I am more so. There have been changes at work, and that has had a knock-on effect throughout the rest of my life, including the work I was doing with the local am-dram society — the role I’d accepted in their forthcoming panto, where I was playing the Witch.

That’s right: was.

The fact that I’m now doing more in my day job, and the sudden rise in the rehearsal schedule for the panto (which was expected, but not for another month at least), meant I was suddenly working double-hard through the day, heading out to a three hour rehearsal in the evening, and then coming home and working some more. My sleep patterns became disrupted, insomnia started to creep back in the door, and my health began to plummet.

With regret, I knew what I had to do. It was simply a case of everything coming at the wrong time, but at least I was aware enough to recognise what was going on and so took the action I needed to. After all, at a base level it was a toss up between being able to do my day job (and thus keep the roof over our heads), or doing the panto.

I withdrew from the panto as gently as I could, and I believe the society already has a new witch, for which I am thankful. I will still help out “behind the scenes” as and when I can/work allows, and of course I aim to see the panto too.

That’s not been the only change, though. At the start of September I finished teaching the current intake of my coven’s training course. Ordinarily this wouldn’t excite me — I’d already be looking ahead to the next intake — but this time it’s different. This time, I get a teaching sabbatical. Oh, yes.

Finally, my HP (Bear) and I can have a rest. We can dedicate more time to our own personal development and read up on the things we want to read, try the more advanced rituals we want to try… And, yes, have a rest — take time out from teaching, from lesson plans and marking homework papers, from printing handouts and preparing class materials… Whoo. :)

And yet what did I do? I promptly filled my time with lots of things (such as the panto, or committing to other things which, really, do not matter) and lots of my free time went out of the window — which then meant my health suffered even more.

What’s worse, I’d forgotten the fact that I am important, and that I’m supposed to be saying “No” more often. Whoops.

It all came to a head last week, when Andrew came down with some infection/flu bug thing whilst we were in Glastonbury — and I, illness-magnet that I am, caught it from him a few days later. We both spent all last week ill in bed, which was both a good and a bad thing.

Bad, because really, we should have been taking care of ourselves more. And also, we have new kittens to enjoy. :(

Good, because it meant that we could take care of each other, and also stop to take stock about how much we were both doing and realise that something had to happen about it all. And also, we have new kittens to enjoy. :)

Andrew is now much recovered. I am still struggling, a few days behind him — but hopefully, I should be back to “normal” (whatever that is, LOL) come middle of this week. And in amongst all this, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about spirituality, what I’ve been doing and what I need to be doing, and where do I go from here. And even though more changes are afoot, one thing’s still for sure.

This Witch is still walking her path, baby! :)